Rain? In July? Seriously?!?

So I woke up at noon, had my coffee, read some of my Jen Lancaster novel, and pet my cats until their combined shedding caused me to have a sneezing fit!

I realized that I had not been out of the house much in the past 2 days except to go to the grocer or the Hollywood video, even though I have been avoiding the stereotype of crazy cat lady lately, and that I was going to have to be on the sailboat this weekend and my tan needed a boost.

So, I put on my newest bathing suit and cover up, put my hair in an on-the-side braid (which I can still rock at my age--I don't care what ANYONE thinks!), packed my pool bag (which includes over sized beach towel, bottled water, book, and sunglasses), put on my cute heeled sandals and headed out the door.

Seriously, I was looking for funnel clouds with how bad the wind was blowing. The construction site next door has now lost all of its topsoil (or should I say all of its caliche dust) because it is now floating around my neighborhood for at least a mile. I turn on the radio and find out that it is raining like crazy in Kerrville and that it is heading straight for us. So much for tanning...guess I'll have to go to plan-B (which you can get over the counter at any pharmacy now if you are over 18!! Yeah!!) and head over to the Bijou to see Cheri, the story of an aging courtesan in France...Please, no comparisons.

Wishing the best!

Awkward and Spastic

Last night I met up with my friend Michael and we had drinks at Chuy's where my sister is a bartender. As such, she was good enough to top off my and Michael's drinks with some extra tequila. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea--read on for details. The happy hour was as interesting and entertaining as ever.

Once Brit was off work, we changed into our after hours clothing, a.k.a. stripperware (just kidding, sort of) and headed over to Eden. We sat down and talked with the owner, Alex, and his gf, Carly, who we met through Lisa and Neal. The drinks, D.J., live band on the patio, and overall ambience of the place was fantastic. If you are ever in SA on a Friday night and looking for a really classy place to chill and are a little bit on the mature side of life, this is the place. There are all ages, but it doesn't feel like a teeny bopper fest.

We all headed over to Bitter End for the much famed Pink Party. Very few people were wearing pink and judging from the amount of dudes there, I think the "Pink" was a poorly veiled attempt at suggesting there would be a lot of pussy there, hence all the guys. Why do guys think that just because you call it a pink party that a bunch of chicks are going to show up clad in all the sexy pink things that we own??? The joke was on them, because there were more dudes than chicks so they ended up looking queer. One of them was even wearing dark black rayban glasses. I scoffed, "who wears sunglasses in a club, what a weirdo." As we passed by him and his crew, who were checking us out hard core, I realized that the sunglass-wearing man was also carrying a walking stick--the dude was blind. I almost gave him some ass just cuz I felt so bad about making fun of him.

After Bitter End we headed over to The Falls for the last 30 minutes of the clubbing evening, which turned out to be the most hilarious. We went straight for the dance floor and some of the most booty shaking songs came on. This guy politely came up to me and asked if he could dance with me. Within a matter of seconds, I assessed him toe to head. Tall, surfer blonde hair, muscular build, not bad at all! Oh wait--his eyes are a little funny...OMG he is cross eyed. Naturally, I said thank you, but no. Shortly after that, the "Birthday Sex" song came on. It is a good slow moving one so all the chicks can dance their sexiest. I think they put it on at the end of the night because it is the last chance men have of picking up a chick that will go home with them and they don't want to waste their time on a chick that can't move her hips. BTW, I can definitely move my hips. LOL.

All of a sudden, this hand slides across the upper backside of my right ass cheek, around my hip, and almost gets as far as my hooha when I step away and look back disgusted. Who does this guy think he is? I mean it has been a while, but wasn't that at least 2nd base!?! But there was no one there when I turned around, which was strange because the hand was still on my hip. At this point I direct my attention towards the floor and there smiling up at me is this bald midget of a man. Seriously? I am 5 ft 9 inches without the 3 inch heels I was wearing. Did this guy think that he would do me with his head, cuz I am pretty sure that I was not going to be able to feel anything else, and I do not need anymore 'are you in?' moments since I left college. I gave him the get the f away from me look and turned back around and continued to dance alone. I turn back to see Brittney having a laugh attack of stroke-enducing proportions. I keep saying, "stop laughing, he can see you." But she doesn't. I am always torn between giving them props for trying when they know it would never work out and being pissed that I am the one they think they had the remotest chance with.

We grabbed a burrito and headed home, but I could only eat a little because my tummy had been upset ever since the 7 margaritas I had a Chuy's. Needless to say I spent a lot of time with my head in the trash can early this morning. I will NEVER have tequila again!

Today I met up with Elizabeth at our usual Starbucks. We are having a great time and I am relaying the mini me and cross-eyed stories when this dude comes up to us and sits himself down at the table next to us and tries to butt in on our story.

Dude: "Sounds like yall are having fun, ah ah ah"
Mel and Elizabeth: "Yeah, we are"
D: "Anything yall can share with me?"
M&E: "No, nothing we care to share"

The guy gets up and leaves, or so we thought. 20 seconds later he comes back and listens in on our conversation about loser guys trying to pick me up and being unsuccessful and he jumps into the conversation.

Dude: "Yeah, this one time I met up with a girl friend of mine at a bar downtown for Halloween."

Oh, brother, I thought

He continues to tell us how when he got there, this guy had camped out and was harrassing his friend with unwanted advances. They ended up having to go to the bar to get another drink and then sit down somewhere where there were no extra seats that the unwanted guy could find to once again rain on their parade. He continued to remark on the guys "awkward and spastic" dancing, to which I remarked would be the title of my next blog. Unfortunately he did not get that I would be describing him and this momentary interuption of my girl talk session.

I suddenly asked Elizabeth, "Is it time for us to catch that movie?" She immediately replied, "Yes it is!" The guy asked what we were going to see and for an undetectable second Elizabeth and I locked eyes with the realization that neither of us really knew what movies were in the theaters now, so I blurted out "Bruno". That is the new Sasha Baron-Cohen film that I have seen, but that Elizabeth has too high taste for (turns out I do too, but I am a glutten for punishment and just don't want to believe that someone can make two bad movies and forced myself to see. There are some funny parts, but way too much ass action).

When we got into the car I said "See! That shit happens to me all the time." Elizabeth replied, "Did that guy not realize that he was telling the story of his life!?!?!" There of course was no movie, so we went to Sushi Zushi and had a delightful afternoon catching up. Wishing you the best year ever...Mel

One Little, Two Little, Three Little Indians...

We woke up with the sun on Sunday, which ended up being at 5:45 a.m. I would like to say that the early wake up was a one-time thing, but every day was like that. We got ready to make sail by cleaning up around the boat. We had some issue with Ample Hamper not delivering all of the food we needed although they charged my mom's credit card a month early, but we got it sorted out, sort of.

I can't even begin to explain how beautiful this place is.

The draw of Ample Hamper was that we could order food in advance as a way to guarantee that it would be shipped from the mainland and there for our use while on vacation. Plus, they deliver right to the boat--no waiting. The problem was they didn't have all of our order. None of the meat we requested was there the first or second time that they delivered to us.

Luckly, there was a service provided by Bobby's Supermarket that would send a guy by our boat to pick us up and take us shopping and then deliver us back to the boat free of charge, so we were able to get the remaining items we would need for the week.

We set sail for Norman Island and the Bight. The sailing across the Sir Francis Drake Channel was smooth and excellent. We moored at the Bight and dinghied out to The Indians for some snorkeling. The snorkeling was ok. I was mostly darker colored coral and some idy bidy fish. We came back from The Indians to The Bight where the charter was moored and took a cockpit shower off the back of the boat. I didn't understand that you got wet in the ocean water, shampooed and rinsed with ocean water, conditionered, and then go to the head (sailing slang for bathroom) and wash your conditioner out along with your unmentionable areas. The point is to save the majority of your fresh water stores so that you have it until the next time you make port and refill.

So there I was sticking my hands into my tankini top to wash my boobs and into my tankini bottoms to wash my crack. Finally, mom mentioned I should go below and finish and we all got a good laugh. We dressed like floozies and went for a drink at the Willy T (The William H. Thornton) which is a perminantly anchored schooner/restaurant/bar that is a hotspot of entertainment for locals as well as cruisers/vacationers.

All I have to say to describe the atmoshphere is that there was a running powerpoint of pictures showing naked girls taking shots off of each other at this place. But it also had food so we ordered and had a drink. A WHILE later our food came and again my food sucked. I had salmon and it was overcooked. Mom and Brit had conch fritters, Bruce had excellent ribs. We made it back to the boat after dinner and went to sleep a while after the sun went down--it was about 7:30 p.m.

Traveling to the Islands

Brit's friend Sammie stayed over Friday night. At 3:00 a.m. Saturday morning we woke up and were out the door by 4:00. Thank you Sammie so much for staying and draggin our asses to the airport--you are a doll. But the biggest shout out goes to my very allergic, good friend Elizabeth who came once a day before work and several times in the afternoons to feed/water/pet my kitties. The cats didn't shun me when I returned from this trip like they usually do. They were well cared for. Thanks!

Delta Airlines in SA was a pain in the ass and disorganized. You can't precheck in for international flights anymore, but they have not helped the craziness that happens at the airport check in either--boo Delta.

Flight from SA to Atlanta was uneventful. We ate burgers and had bloody mary's at a bar in the airport in ATL because there was a 45 min. delay for our flight to San Juan, Puerto Rico. Why you ask? Because they forgot to bring the plane from the hangar. Did they forget that there was a flight or what??? Then there was a security check that had to be done once it arrived at the airport so at least I have the allusion of safety working in my favor.

There weren't enough people on the flight so we had the back rows to ourselves and spread out for a nap. We watched Confessions of a Shopaholic. I hate that I like movies like that. It was stupid, but like a rubber necker at a train wreck, I continued to watch.

We flew into San Juan and it looked filthy like a 3rd world country and not a U.S. territory. I will never want to go there. We waited for our luggage only to find out that our mom had misinformed us and our luggage had already been transported to the Cessna that would take us to the BVIs, a fact that she will dispute to her dying day because it would mean that she was wrong and that is like god being wrong and the world would have to cease existing. LOL.

We ended up being a lil bit late to meet the parents. Each plane could only carry 9 people so mom and Bruce went ahead of us. Our puddle jumper flight gave us a great view of the BV and USVIs. What was hilarious was the pilot kept glancing at the manual as he flew the plane. I will admit it made me a bit nervous. (I have since found out that he was going through a checklist and was exhibiting an action done by only the most conscientious of pilots)

The BVI airport on Beef Island was super small and the customs officials asked where the rum was!?! I said that is why we came here--to get the rum--so we didn't have any yet. Man! what a break from the seriousness with which one usually meets customs officials. It was also a break from the frustration I was feeling being separated from mom and Bruce who were out the door and in a taxi as I was stuck behind 3 older, slower, dawdling couples.

Finally we were past the rigmarole and in the taxi heading to the BVI Yacht Charter dock on Tortola. Our boat was cool. It was a center cockpit 40 ft Beneteau. We dropped off our stuff and headed out to dinner on the taxi that had waited for us to drop off our shit at the boat. We wanted to go to Spaghetti Junction, but it was closed so we settled for Pusser's Restaurant.

Brittney had conch soup, Mom had curry chicken roti, Bruce had shepherd's pie, and I had fish and chips (mine sucked, they have better F&C at Lion and the Rose in SA). I do not have a picture of the food since someone has informed me that pics of food on blogs is boring. J/j you know there will be some eventually. But the drinks were good.

Our waitress was from Jamaica. Most of the people in the service industry around here are from other Caribbean islands. What they say is that the BVIans are lazy; but really they are just too proud. Plus they have free higher education for all people born on the island and free healthcare. They aren't too proud they just have better jobs as doctors and businesspeople.

The same cabbie picked us up and we found that Bruce had left his cane in the taxi. He brought it along for the trip in case his back acted up. Once back at the dock, the price for the taxi had doubled--big surprise! We went ahead and paid it. Bruce forgot the cane again, but I picked it up. We have a tradition of being ripped off by cabbies the 1st night we are anywhere new.

Everyone was tired from a long day and settled down to sleep. The bed for me and Brit was too small for how hot is was without AC in the cabin so I grabbed some deck cushions and a blanket and slept on the foredeck of the boat. It was a little awkward sleeping next to an open hatch, the one that was providing Brit with air, but after shutting it and hearing her scream a couple of times, I managed to avoid it for most of the night.