Awkward and Spastic

Last night I met up with my friend Michael and we had drinks at Chuy's where my sister is a bartender. As such, she was good enough to top off my and Michael's drinks with some extra tequila. Maybe that wasn't such a good idea--read on for details. The happy hour was as interesting and entertaining as ever.

Once Brit was off work, we changed into our after hours clothing, a.k.a. stripperware (just kidding, sort of) and headed over to Eden. We sat down and talked with the owner, Alex, and his gf, Carly, who we met through Lisa and Neal. The drinks, D.J., live band on the patio, and overall ambience of the place was fantastic. If you are ever in SA on a Friday night and looking for a really classy place to chill and are a little bit on the mature side of life, this is the place. There are all ages, but it doesn't feel like a teeny bopper fest.

We all headed over to Bitter End for the much famed Pink Party. Very few people were wearing pink and judging from the amount of dudes there, I think the "Pink" was a poorly veiled attempt at suggesting there would be a lot of pussy there, hence all the guys. Why do guys think that just because you call it a pink party that a bunch of chicks are going to show up clad in all the sexy pink things that we own??? The joke was on them, because there were more dudes than chicks so they ended up looking queer. One of them was even wearing dark black rayban glasses. I scoffed, "who wears sunglasses in a club, what a weirdo." As we passed by him and his crew, who were checking us out hard core, I realized that the sunglass-wearing man was also carrying a walking stick--the dude was blind. I almost gave him some ass just cuz I felt so bad about making fun of him.

After Bitter End we headed over to The Falls for the last 30 minutes of the clubbing evening, which turned out to be the most hilarious. We went straight for the dance floor and some of the most booty shaking songs came on. This guy politely came up to me and asked if he could dance with me. Within a matter of seconds, I assessed him toe to head. Tall, surfer blonde hair, muscular build, not bad at all! Oh wait--his eyes are a little funny...OMG he is cross eyed. Naturally, I said thank you, but no. Shortly after that, the "Birthday Sex" song came on. It is a good slow moving one so all the chicks can dance their sexiest. I think they put it on at the end of the night because it is the last chance men have of picking up a chick that will go home with them and they don't want to waste their time on a chick that can't move her hips. BTW, I can definitely move my hips. LOL.

All of a sudden, this hand slides across the upper backside of my right ass cheek, around my hip, and almost gets as far as my hooha when I step away and look back disgusted. Who does this guy think he is? I mean it has been a while, but wasn't that at least 2nd base!?! But there was no one there when I turned around, which was strange because the hand was still on my hip. At this point I direct my attention towards the floor and there smiling up at me is this bald midget of a man. Seriously? I am 5 ft 9 inches without the 3 inch heels I was wearing. Did this guy think that he would do me with his head, cuz I am pretty sure that I was not going to be able to feel anything else, and I do not need anymore 'are you in?' moments since I left college. I gave him the get the f away from me look and turned back around and continued to dance alone. I turn back to see Brittney having a laugh attack of stroke-enducing proportions. I keep saying, "stop laughing, he can see you." But she doesn't. I am always torn between giving them props for trying when they know it would never work out and being pissed that I am the one they think they had the remotest chance with.

We grabbed a burrito and headed home, but I could only eat a little because my tummy had been upset ever since the 7 margaritas I had a Chuy's. Needless to say I spent a lot of time with my head in the trash can early this morning. I will NEVER have tequila again!

Today I met up with Elizabeth at our usual Starbucks. We are having a great time and I am relaying the mini me and cross-eyed stories when this dude comes up to us and sits himself down at the table next to us and tries to butt in on our story.

Dude: "Sounds like yall are having fun, ah ah ah"
Mel and Elizabeth: "Yeah, we are"
D: "Anything yall can share with me?"
M&E: "No, nothing we care to share"

The guy gets up and leaves, or so we thought. 20 seconds later he comes back and listens in on our conversation about loser guys trying to pick me up and being unsuccessful and he jumps into the conversation.

Dude: "Yeah, this one time I met up with a girl friend of mine at a bar downtown for Halloween."

Oh, brother, I thought

He continues to tell us how when he got there, this guy had camped out and was harrassing his friend with unwanted advances. They ended up having to go to the bar to get another drink and then sit down somewhere where there were no extra seats that the unwanted guy could find to once again rain on their parade. He continued to remark on the guys "awkward and spastic" dancing, to which I remarked would be the title of my next blog. Unfortunately he did not get that I would be describing him and this momentary interuption of my girl talk session.

I suddenly asked Elizabeth, "Is it time for us to catch that movie?" She immediately replied, "Yes it is!" The guy asked what we were going to see and for an undetectable second Elizabeth and I locked eyes with the realization that neither of us really knew what movies were in the theaters now, so I blurted out "Bruno". That is the new Sasha Baron-Cohen film that I have seen, but that Elizabeth has too high taste for (turns out I do too, but I am a glutten for punishment and just don't want to believe that someone can make two bad movies and forced myself to see. There are some funny parts, but way too much ass action).

When we got into the car I said "See! That shit happens to me all the time." Elizabeth replied, "Did that guy not realize that he was telling the story of his life!?!?!" There of course was no movie, so we went to Sushi Zushi and had a delightful afternoon catching up. Wishing you the best year ever...Mel