Ramblings of a Young Girl

I was searching through some old journals (o.k., so I was really FINALLY cleaning my room) and I found some of my attempts at poetry from my college days. Mostly it is just stream of consciousness, so don't be looking for any real format.


I can't look at him, or even in his direction, as he passes
I freeze. My body sucks in the fat that I know I can't hide,
my eyes squint as though I am looking at something of great importance in the distance.

He probably has a girlfriend.
Ew! He smokes.
If I look at him he'll know--he'll know I'm attracted and I can't let him.
I can't let another man see my affection and crush it.

He--I am sure--is not looking at me, but I don't want to be sure.
I don't want to see the expression of uninterest in his eye,
confirming what I already use to keep myself down--that he doesn't want me.

Why do I care?
How can I ever know unless I look up and show him the wonders that are in me?
How many times has my love looked and I didn't?
I can feel him looking, but I'm not ready.
I am still bitter and who knows when I'll get over it.

20 June 2005
Outside my apartmentin S.A.waiting for Lizzy to pick me up to go to HEB.


Hope you like it! Wishing you the best year ever....Mel